This is the story of how a mild-mannered writer (whose name is Richard Melo, and that's me!) set about to become the biggest dork on the internet in Portland, Oregon. That ambition alone should score me major dork points.

I started a blog (under the pseudonym "onda_dog") through LiveJournal in 2003 in order to meet other writers and promote my novel, Jokerman 8 (Soft Skull Press, 2004), which is a sordid tale of jazz-age flappers. When the book publicity and networking began to slow down, I became enamored with a LiveJournal online community called DamnPortlanders. As many as 1,500 internet users in Portland and elsewhere subscribe to DamnPortlanders, and anyone with a live internet connection can read almost all of the posts.

DamnPortlanders write internet messages about a wide range of subjects with at least a loose connection to the Portland community. Bands, rallies, dentists, garage sales, karaoke, questions, statements -- everything is fair game on DamnPortlanders. On a typical day, there are 30-50 posts, many by regulars who post often, and remarkably the voice in many of the posts sounds the same. DamnPortlanders also take their site quite seriously.

Because of that DamnPortlander seriousness, the page is ripe for parody. That's where I come in, out to make myself the biggest dork on the Portland internet.

I began to leave prank/parody posts in March 2005 and planned to write one every month. I thought a month would be long enough for the DamnPortlanders to forget I was the one who pranked them a few weeks back. In August 2005, I moved up production to one a week. No matter how often I post and how ridiculous the content, there are DamnPortlanders who take me all too seriously.

Please bear in mind, these pranks were pulled with the kindest of intentions. Rather than to poke fun at anyone or leave anyone confused, they were designed for amusement. No malice was intended.

The online article you are reading chronicles these "gentle" pranks, including the time I asked for directions on how to get out of downtown on horseback, the time I described buying a sweater knit from steel wool, the time I asked which of the Portland Public Schools has a ninja training program, the time I reported seeing the Bat Signal blazing in the Portland night sky, among many others. As I write this, I am up to nearly 20 posts, and always there are more to come. 

The prank series follows, listed by date as a set of annotated links ....